Wednesday, January 02, 2013

A New Year and a Year of Gratitude

I've never been much for New Years or New Year's resolutions. Often January 1 comes and goes without my paying too much attention to it, other than to take down Christmas decorations and to note if either Oregon or Stanford is playing in a bowl game. 

But this year is different. My mother died a year ago January and even when I'm not actually thinking about the anniversary, it's always lurking in the back of my mind.

It has been a long year. A year of many changes and many challenges. Sometimes I didn't think that I would actually make it through. Panic, depression, fear and anxiety have all taken their places on the stage of my life; sometimes playing starring roles!

While it's tempting to look back and perhaps wallow in the pains and pangs of 2012, my one resolution for 2013 is to let the past be the past and to try to live more fully in the present. On January 27, the anniversary of my mother's death, I will truly start a new year, a new beginning to the rest of  my life. A year of mourning will be ended and I will have passed through all the significant events.

May my year of griefwalking give way to a year of dancing.

But before I leave 2012 entirely, I want to recount a few of the things I am grateful for:

1. Restoration of a once-fractured relationship
2. A positive ending to a breast cancer scare
3. The gradual ebbing of panic and anxiety
4. Friends who stayed with me during this annus horribulus
5. Answered prayer...more "yes" than "no"

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