Prayer...answers...or not

As those of you who have followed for awhile know, I've been keeping track of my prayers for the past couple of months.  The results aren't conclusive, but in general, the "little prayers" for small things and the "daily bread" prayers for things that are, well, daily, have been "yes."  The "no's" have been clear and obvious, but the vast majority have been unanswered, at least as for now.

One other thing I've been observing is that as I've prayed about some of the things that are unanswered, I am sensing a shift in me, especially as it begins to appear that the answer will be "no." I am becoming more ready to accept the "no" that seems to be coming. 

Oh I still hold out hope for a "yes," but part of me is letting go a bit, and saying, "I will survive even if the answer is 'no.'" 

Now I'm not quite sure what to do with that kind of answer.  It would be a "no" to the original prayer, but oddly there is a kind of "yes" in it as well.  A "yes" to accepting God's will...or perhaps simply the free will of others. 

The other thing I'm learning is that if I want to experience a "yes" to a prayer, it's best to pray for the small and the daily, not the big and the lengthy.  When I ask for the ability to get through just this crisis du moment, I generally get it. (Not always. On a few occasions the crisis du moment became the crisis du jour et nuit and the next jour, too.)

And finally, sometimes the answer to prayer isn't at all what we expect.  Today I have been struggling with grief, with fear, with worry, with lonliness and a few other negatives as well. I expected to bury myself in work, but instead a friend came by on his bike and talked for awhile about his upcoming trip to France.  I didn't know that's what I needed, but I guess it was.  Even though the work didn't quite get done!

Lessons of Loneliness Part Deux

Yesterday I talked about how, in this past year, I have become, inexplicably and unwantedly (Not sure that's a word, but it should be...) visited by the spectre of loneliness and its conjoined twin, fear. Since I wrote that article, an interesting thing has happened. Nefer, the ever clever escape artist, has been right at my side.  When I least expect it, he reaches out his paw and pats me on the cheek.  Just a little pat, no claws.  As if to say, "How can you be lonely when you have MEEEE????"  I have to admit that it makes me chuckle just a bit.  But it also makes me wonder just how sentient animals are.  Certainly they can be empathetic, as Nefer is proving.

On the other hand, Basti couldn't care less.  "Food?  You gonna give me wet food? Or do I have to keep searching in these darn bags for something yummy?"


 Havng said that, because I both try to learn lessons from the events of my life as well as be aware of the synchronicities, the little miracles, that happen, I want to share one more thing from the past 24 hours.

During the GSA (Great Sewage Adventure), I had to dismantle a bookcase that I thought contained mostly lives of the saints and books on writing. (I don't know about you, but I don't cull my bookshelves nearly often enough and so sometimes there are books lurking that I don't know I have.) The books were stacked on a sofa and I decided that perhaps I could use the sofa to actually sit on, so I began putting the books back on the shelves.

As I did, I found a slender, brown book that I remembered from my childhood.  I don't remember my mother reading it, but since the copyright is 1954, it had to be hers.  I sort of vaguely recalled reading parts of it when I was in my 20s and going through a rough patch, but I had forgotten about it.  Now here it was again--My Daily Bread by Anthony Paone, S.J. Apparently it has been in print all these years and I just happen to own a first edition. (Woo Hoo!)

My Daily Bread is a set of daily readings on various topics intended to inspire and guide one in listening to and following the words of the Christ. It's divided into several sections such as Conversion, After Conversion, Temptation and Bad Habits.  Each section consists of a meditation written in the first person as if Christ were speaking to you, a brief reflection and a prayer.

The ribbon bookmark was still in place, so I decided to open to that section and see what it had to say.  I was a little surprised, but not completely, to see that it was on fear, loneliness's conjoined twin. In part it read: (Many) do not think with their intelligence, but with their feelings...they are slaves of their fears...." The prayer of the day added, "Let me not offend you by a lack of confidence. I trust in you. I will do my best to remedy whatever difficulties arise, but whatever be the results of my efforts, I will accept them as your holy will."

Somehow the message from that little book from my past seems very appropriate advice for my future.