Monday, July 09, 2012

That Damn Cat!

I swear I'm never having cats after these go to the great litterbox in the sky.

First Basti kept drinking out the desk fountain so that it would constantly splutter and hiss.  She would sip, listen and if it wasn't hissing enough to suit her, would lap a bit more.  I had to unplug the fountain because she was DRIVING ME CRAZY.

Now Nefer has taken to licking the George Foreman grill.  After I've washed it.  I wash it and let it dry on the rack.  Nefer leaps up and licks the whole thing so that I have to wash it again.  And then he jumps up and licks it again. 

I read once that cats are the only other creatures on this earth besides humans that have the capacity for deliberate sin, only cats will never admit to sinning .  After being driven to the brink of screaming bad words at these two, I believe it. 

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Sunday Gratitude

Sundays, as I've said before, are hard days.  I used to spend at least part of each Sunday with my mother (in addition to many other days, but always Sundays). About this time of day, late afternoon, I would be with her, bringing her her favorite ice cream or, when she was able, taking her out to get a dish of plain vanilla.  And so when the slant of light takes a certain turn, I feel a twist in my soul and a wave of what is no longer acute sorrow, but a gripping of my chest and a clenching of my heart, sweeps over me.

It's a gorgeous day here, finally.  With a bright blue sky and a slight breeze. I'm working on an article about a favorite saint--Hildegard of Bingen--and I've talked to friends. Despite some frustrations that loom for next week, things are okay for now.

And yet...and still...all of a sudden, the wave rises and I feel that melange of loss, anxiety, and emptiness that is so much a part of my griefwalking. It is as if the sun suddenly dims and I wonder, will this ever end? Will I ever feel "normal" again? And what is "normal" now anyway?

It is precisely because Sundays are hard days that I chose them to post my gratitudes. By making myself see what is good and blessed, to seek out five things that remind me God has not forgotten me, I get through the hardest part of the hardest day of the week.

So this week I am grateful for:

1. Giving away some things I didn't use to someone who will use and appreciate them.

2. Sunshine and warm enough weather to wear a sleeveless top. (Everyone who has been sweltering in the heat, trust me, it's been frigid here in Oregon and this is something to be grateful for.)

3. Work.  When a free-lancer has work, it's always cause for gratitude.

4. Conversation with a good friend who reminded me that some of the decisions I made in the past and now sorely regret, I made with honest intent and with all the information I had available at the time.

5. A weed in a pot that has such lovely flowers I'm pretending that it is a flower and letting it stay.

Finally, one more thing to be grateful for.  Now and then I get those forwarded e-mails that tell you to send to 10 people because God has a blessing blah blah.  I got one today and, for whatever reason, the idea that God might just have a blessing waiting for me was a message that I needed to hear. God does sometimes speak in mysterious ways and I'll just take that e-mail as a message.