I was thinking this morning that the past year and a half has been the most difficult of my life. I have gone through hard times before, but none have been as challenging on so many levels as these months have been. It has been a dark night of not just the soul, but the mind, body, emotions, finances, physical surroundings, and life in general. It has felt like all the joy has been been sucked from the world...and yet, I continued to see happy people all around me, so I knew that it was only my world, not the whole world.
I mention this on Gratitude Sunday because a friend of mine told me yesterday that she is seeing signs that I am slowly coming out of the deep grief, that I am getting better and more like myself. I don't see it yet, but I believe her.
I trust that this will not last forever, because nothing does, and that another chapter of my life will open, one that I might not even imagine possible (because I certainly didn't imagine these past 18 months and their pain could have been possible!) I am just hoping that the next chapter contains a little more joy and few less tears.
So with that, this Sunday I am grateful for:
1. The color purple--not the book or movie, but as in wisteria and lilacs.
2. Hot water for a long bath, after a good cry.
3. Silence, when there isn't any sound but maybe the click of my keyboard keys.
4. Cell phones, which let me call someone no matter where I am (or where they are.)
5. One more week of griefwalking done and one more Sunday (the hardest day of the week for me) coming to a close.
Nothing to report. Nine prayers on list still waiting for some sort of answer. Four "yes" if you include the bad surprises, two "maybe," and one "no." (Unfortunately the "no" was a biggie.)