Today is the three-month anniversary of my mother's death.
In many ways, it seems like I've been griefwalking forever and in other ways, it feels like it happened yesterday. This time of life is very strange, with the hours and days become almost fluid, difficult to capture and hold. Memories invade present moments and the present bleeds into the past.
The other thing that is very strange is that my body itself, the very cells, seem to be remembering the sorrow. I am "off"--feeling vaguely ill, slightly nauseated, sort of dizzy. Not exactly sick, but not exactly well either.
My mind is remembering, but so is my body. And while I can force the mind to think of other things, the deeper memory, the memory that resides in the tissues of heart and stomach and liver and lung demands to be heard.
And I so I remember...and griefwalk one more day.
Incidentally, this Assessment of the Secondary Losses of Grief has been very comforting to me. If you've experienced a loss that you think you think you should be "over" by now, you might find it consoling as well.