I have discovered a new stage of grief. I didn't know it was phase until a widow friend told me it was: the quiet time.
I find myself withdrawing into silence, into myself. I don't want to talk to people, go out, see anyone. I just want to be alone...in my own inner being. I don't want to remember out loud or share. I am griefwalking in radio silence.
It's rather odd, actually. It feels like introversion to the nth degree and while I am an introvert at heart, this is extreme even for me.
My friend says that it's just a stage and it will pass.
I wonder what other surprise stages are waiting for me.
As the ‘widow’ friend there are three other not-often-mentioned stages I passed through that you may or may not experience:
ReplyDeleteDreams: Mine were always good ones but I would wake up both happy and sad. In my dreams everything was as it once had been. Alone in my bed they were not.
Waves: Triggered by something as simple as a song on my car radio, a flash of memory, an old photo, or the scent of sandalwood waves of grief would roll over me like a tidal wave taking my breath away.
Forgetting: A time finally came when I realized I had forgotten my grief for hours and a bit of guilt arrived along with that moment of forgetting. Ten years later the date engraved in my mind passed without notice for the first time; thankfully the following day there was no guilt. Memories are all that is left of my grief now; they leave an ache that is more pleasure than pain. My mother was right ‘You don’t get over it but you will get used to it’.
Quiet time helps.