Sunday Gratitude and Prayer Scorecard

Before I get into the Sunday gratitude and all, I would like to invite any of my readers who aren't Catholic who have questions about the pope or what's been going on to ask your questions in the comment box.  If I don't have the answer, I'll do my best to find out.

With that....
I am grateful for:

 A day without anxiety.  I had one last week and it was nearly miraculous.
The hope of a new pope.
Sunshine. We had a couple of lovely days.
Daffodils
Ice tea...finally warm enough for a glass.

As for the prayer scorecard, it's been a very interesting month.
1 yes
13 unanswered and
1 (probably) no.

I guess it's a season of waiting.

Sunday Gratitude and Prayer Scorecard

As I write this, Nefer is stalking the door because he has spotted an INTRUDER CAT in HIS backyard. This is apparently something definitely not to be grateful about!!!

As for me, this Sunday I am grateful for:

1. Having gotten the taxes to the accountant. Now I just wait to know the results.
2. Knowing someone with a realio-trulio NY Times best-seller--John Thavis and Vatican Diaries
3. A pedicure--with glittery silver polish
4. The prospect of watching history being made as a new pope is elected
5. Friends who care about me in good times and bad.

Prayer Scorecard:
This may be the most interesting week since I began my scorekeeping. All but one prayer is unanswered and the one that was answered was Friday's unpleasant surprise.
15 No Answer
1 Yes
0 No

February Prayer Scorecard

Since we are already into March, I thought I should give my February Prayer Scorecard report.

5 Yes
3 No
10 Not yet or unclear

I've observed a couple of things in the nearly a year that I've been doing this that seem relevant.

1. There are always more "yes" than "no" answers in a month.
2. There are always more "not yet" or "unclear" than either "yes" or "no" or even the two combined.
3. Often the "yes" isn't instantly recognizable. It seems to take time to unfold. And sometimes, along the way, it gets modified so that the original prayer might be answered "no," but the evolved prayer is answered "yes."

For instance, over the past nine months, a relationship has been gradually healing. It isn't completely healed yet and there are still many unresolved issues, so I can't say  that the healing has occurred 100 %. However, it's not really in the "not yet" category either.

In addition, what I started out praying for in terms of healing has changed as well. At first it was merely restored contact; now it means something more.

So, as I move into March, I'm moving those 10 "not yet" prayers along, with the hopes that at least a few of them will move into the "yes" or even "no" category.

Sunday Gratitude/Prayer Scorecard

Sometimes you have to force yourself to be grateful for something.  As in number one today.

I am grateful:
1. That I made enough money to pay some taxes this year.  And I'm trying not to grumble at how little the IRS thinks I should be able to survive on after they take their share.

2. Chocolate muffins.  Okay, so they are really just chocolate wolf cake in muffin lamb disguise, but I feel better eating a muffin than a piece of cake for breakfast.

3. A good friend who gets me off the ledge when I am in panic mode.

4. A house to clean and boy does it need cleaning.

5. Someone to love and someone who loves me.

Prayerscore Card
I have 16 things listed.
So far, it's
4 Yes
0 No
11 Not Yet
and one that I thought was a clear-cut yes or no that might turn out to be a yes/no in that it might be partially answered. Not quite sure how to categorize that one yet.

More on Healing and Prayer

Last night I received some painful news from a friend. Her husband has been battling cancer for several months and everyone had been hopeful that the last round of chemo had been successful. Sadly, tests show that it had no effect on the cancer and the growths that had been surgically removed were returning with a vengeance. They had been very hopeful...and yes, faith-filled...that he had been cured.  But he wasn't.

With this coming on the heels of learning of another friend's death from the same kind of cancer, I was sick at heart this morning. What's the use of prayer, I wondered, if it has no effect? And, of course, being selfish and self-centered as we all are, I thought about my own prayers that I might be healed of the panic and anxiety that have followed me this past year like a starving wolf trails a wounded rabbit.

What if all my prayers have been words cast into a vast emptiness, pointless yammering, that does no good?  That thought alone was enough to push me into a state of heightened anxiety!

That's when I went back over my Prayer Score Cards. While there have been quite a few "no's," and there are many "not yet's" on my scorecard, there also have been a number of  "yeses." More "yeses" than "no's" actually.  One of the major ones was the restoration of a relationship that I had believed was destroyed for life.  I had spent many hours in prayer about it and, miraculously, it has been healed.

Now healing a relationship and healing an illness aren't exactly the same thing. For one, it feels like the ability to heal a relationship lies with me and the other person, while healing an illness is external and isn't something I can influence or control. However, when you don't know where the person is, you haven't spoken in nearly a decade, and you don't have any idea how to find them, going from there to a second chance is pretty darn close to miraculous.

Which brings me back to healing and prayer. When I don't get the Voila! healing, the instant cure, I feel like the answer is "NO!!!" and I stop praying. But in the case of the relationship, I prayed for years.  Literal years. With no sign whatsoever. I don't even think that I had faith that the relationship could be healed. I just prayed and kept on praying. Then, it seems so sudden, the door opened and everything changed, seemingly overnight.

A year of prayer about anything...anxiety, cancer, relationship...feels like a long time. It's very tempting...VERY TEMPTING...to decide the answer was "not for you," and give up. So I've been wondering how often persistence, as well as faith, may sometimes be required when we are asking for something that is very important to us. Maybe we need to just keep knocking on that door until it finally opens.

 And, as I reminded God this morning, we don't read in Scripture that ten lepers approached Jesus and he healed none of them. Or that a father asked for healing for his son and he didn't get it. I pointed out, lest God be unaware, that it does a whole lot more for faith for a prayer to be answered than for one to be denied.

Of course, at some point, I may have to face the reality that healing isn't going to happen, but perhaps if I reach that point after much persistent prayer, I will be able to accept the "no." Until then, I will pray for my friend's husband and for myself as we continue on the journey.

Sunday Gratitude and Prayer Scorecard

This Sunday in February, I am grateful for:

 1. Someone to watch the cats aka the Royal Pair when I have to take a short trip later in the month. As you can see, they are a bit of a, um, challenge.

2. For a bouquet of flowers that I allowed myself to splurge on at the market.
3. For extra-soft kleenix during an allergy attack
4. A night's sleep without griefwalking dreams
5. The prayers of a healing friend.

As for the Prayer Scorecard:

Like January itself, it was a month of silence. I think the fields of my prayers were lying fallow. I am hoping that, just as I am beginning to see hints of buds on the trees and the promise that spring is coming, that some of my prayers, which have been on the list for a year, will begin to find blossoming answers.

But for now, it's:
3 Yes, including a good medical report, an easy repair to a complex problem, and a simple solution to a medication change.
11 Not Yet, including the return of stolen property, financial concerns, and a broken printer that is supposed to have been fixed but is still awaiting the right part.
0 No

Sunday Prayer Scorecard and Gratitude

What I'm grateful for this Sunday:

1. St. Jude's intercession in my life. See HERE.
2. Friends who don't abandon me even when I am not the best of company.
3. A pellet stove.
4. Chocolate, a perennial grateful.
5. SKYPE so I can "see" my son now and then despite the distance between us.

As for the Prayer Scorecard:
So far this month it is:
3 Yes
13 Not answered or continued

Many of the not answered have been on the list for a L-O-N-G time, like nearly a year. I know many of them eventually have to have an answer--they aren't the kind of prayer that can just fade into an answer like asking to be more patient and one day realizing you haven't lost your temper for several weeks. Certain of these prayers have to eventually have a yes or a no.  For instance, I was robbed of a great deal of money (the trial is still pending, so I can't reveal details) and either I'm going to get the money back or I'm not. Either the thief will be found guilty and sent to prison or he won't.  At some point there has to be a clear answer, but for now, the prayer just continues to be not answered. And so I keep praying.

But then there are the others on the continue to pray list. The problem with them is that it's sometimes hard to decide if the answer is no or if it is still not answered.  Another for instance: since mother's death I've had panic attacks on a regular basis. I have prayed (and done the things my doctor and counselor have suggested) and yet the panic continues.  So after a year is the answer to the prayer that panic be removed "no!" (like the thorn in Paul's flesh) or is it "not yet, keep praying"?  It's hard to decide if, like the woman in the parable who kept pestering the judge, I am to keep on praying or if I am to accept the answer as a "no." I'd hate to give up when the yes may be just on the verge and yet I don't want to be blind to a "no"either.

What I've decided is that if, after a calendar year, there is no movement in any direction, then I will consider that the answer isn't "not yet," but "no."  Until this, I'll keep praying.


Maybe I need to call in St. Jude on some of these!

Sunday Gratitude and Answered Prayer

This Sunday I am grateful for:

1. A wonderful hairdresser friend who makes me feel beautiful.
2. A pellet stove when it's frakkin' cold outside (like 28).
3. Root beer. I really like root beer, even if it's not good for me.
4. Post-it label rolls, one of the best inventions ever.
5. A flicker of hope for the future, which has been hard to come by this past year.

As for January prayers:
So far it's been 2 Yes and 13 Not Yet.
Some of the Not Yet have been on the list for nearly a year.  I keep thinking of Jesus' parable of the widow and the judge and hope that persistence in prayer really will pay off.

A Year (Almost) of Prayer

Since last May I've been keeping a Prayer Scorecard, a list of answered and unanswered prayers. The original idea was to help me see if my prayers were really being answered. It had been a bleak and difficult year and I needed some measurable evidence.

Now that the year is coming to an end, I've tallied up the prayers. Now, many of them, especially the ones that are still in the Wait or Not Yet Answered category have been moved from month to month, so the tally isn't completely accurate. But the ratio of yes, no and not yet is what interests me.

So, from May to December, there have been:
47 Yes
25 No
78 Not Yet

So, I have had nearly twice as many prayer requests granted as I have had denied. But nearly as many prayers as the combined yes and no are still unanswered. Since most of these, if not all, eventually have to have a yes or no, I'm going to continue keeping the Score Card for a few more months, at least.

And I continue to hope that the majority of prayers will be "yes" again in 2013.

A Year (Almost) of Prayer

Since last May I've been keeping a Prayer Scorecard, a list of answered and unanswered prayers. The original idea was to help me see if my prayers were really being answered. It had been a bleak and difficult year and I needed some measurable evidence.

Now that the year is coming to an end, I've tallied up the prayers. Now, many of them, especially the ones that are still in the Wait or Not Yet Answered category have been moved from month to month, so the tally isn't completely accurate. But the ratio of yes, no and not yet is what interests me.

So, from May to December, there have been:
47 Yes
25 No
78 Not Yet

So, I have had nearly twice as many prayer requests granted as I have had denied. But nearly as many prayers as the combined yes and no are still unanswered. Since most of these, if not all, eventually have to have a yes or no, I'm going to continue keeping the Score Card for a few more months, at least.

And I continue to hope that the majority of prayers will be "yes" again in 2013.

Prayer Scorecard.

The road to hell is paved with good intention and certainly the road to blogging is paved with good intentions of regular entries.  I'm trying to ignore how long it's been since I last came here.  I must have good reasons, right?

One thing that I have meant to do for several weeks is give an update on the Prayer Scorecard. Since last May I've been keeping a record of my prayers: Yes, No, Not Answered. I've wanted to see just how many prayers were answered and what those answers are.

Now many of them have been relatively minor and immediate; sort of "daily bread" prayers. Others are much larger and more major. Not surprisingly, the more major prayers are still in the Not Answered category. These deal with relationships, finances, restoration after theft, life direction and other BIG things. Sometimes I'm not quite sure if I will actually know the point when these prayers are answered or if they will sort of just gradually unfold.  However, I do know that at least some of them--like the restoration of my property after a theft--is either going to happen or it isn't so there will be a definite yes or no at some point.

I'm not any more sure now than I was last May why some prayers are answered and others aren't. And I don't understand why some prayers that I've prayed with heart and soul have been denied. (I didn't pray to win the mega-lottery!)

So with that, the 7 plus month tally is:
38 Yes
13 No
13 Unanswered

Sunday Gratitude and Answered Prayer

On this Sunday that sits on the cusp of fall, I am grateful for:
1. Answered prayer. (See below)
2. A crock pot so that the apples can turn into applesauce without my tending.
3. Gregorian chant.
4. A(mostly) clean counter. (Why are counters so hard to keep clean?)
5. Pomegranate flavored water.(Trader Joe's, pomegranate and cherry water enhancers.  A new favorite thing.)

As September draws to a close, it's time to look over the Prayer Score Card so far this month. But before I do, I want to make a few observations. First, the longer something has been on my prayer list, the more likely it is that the prayer has changed a bit over time.  Sometimes I no longer want it (not very often, but sometimes). Or circumstances have changed and the prayer is no longer relevant.

Second, answers, both "yes" and "no" have some correlation to specificity. In other words, a vague sort of prayer tends to get vague sort of answer and a very specific prayer tends to get a specific response.  Not always, of course, often it seems that is the case.

 Finally, it's hard to be persistent in prayer.  I want to pray and get an answer, but this exercise, in which some prayers have been on my list for as long as 7 months is teaching to keep on praying, even when there seems to be no answer.


So the score for the moment is:
13 Not answered
1 Yes
0 No.

Persistence.  I have to remind myself to persist.

Prayers Addenda

No scientist would accept these results because I haven't accounted for repeated prayers that carry over from month to month or duplicates. With that caveat, in the past three months, the prayer "score card" is:

Yes-26
No-13
Unanswered as of yet-23
Mixed results, but leaning toward Yes-6

If you just take the Yes/No ratio, twice as many of my prayers were answered "yes" as were answered "no."  Now if my math skills are correct (and they may not be), I think that means that 66% of the time, the answer was affirmative and 33% of the time it was negative.

If you take all the prayers, it seems that 38% are "yes" and 13% are "no."

Now I realize that keeping score on prayers isn't really considered good form theologically, but sometimes it's helpful to me to see things laid out clearly.  I can overlook answers to prayer or forget them and simply concentrate on those things that aren't answered.  So, this exercise has been helpful to me to see that God is indeed responding to my pleas...and a good deal of the time he is giving me what I ask for.

August Prayers

Okay, so I'm a little late with the August prayer report.

I had 19 prayers on my list.  Of course, I prayed more than. that, but I listed 19.

The August report is:
7 Yes, including having prayed that someone would call me and they did just a few minutes later
2 No, as in not happening
7 Not answered yet, but still waiting. 
3 Sort of Yes, but not entirely sure.  These seem to be moving toward a Yes, but they could still swing to a No.

Moving on to September, and adding those 7 Not Answered and 3 Sort of Yes to the list.

Griefwalking the Unexpected

This month, which contains my birthday, my grandfather's birthday, my cousin's birthday, the birthday of my childhood friend's first child (on my birthday), and several significant personal anniversaries is always a bit hard.

But this year, add in a visit from my son for the first time since my mother's death and meeting a once very significant person in my life from whom I've been estranged for nearly 15 years and I've been sort of flattened by it all.  No blogging.  No writing.  Not much of anything.

I've learned these past months that grief and the subsequent changes just have to be lived. You can't plan your reaction and you can't plan your feelings.  You just have to see what comes and adapt to it along the way. Especially when it's a month that is already filled with major emotional events.

I've been adapting with chocolate and staring blankly at walls.

But now summer is drawing to a close and fall always feels like a new beginning. May it be so.

Sunday Gratitude

1. Corn on the cob.  Not genetically altered.

2. Coffee with cream, preferably iced.

3. The beginning of healing of old wounds and old estrangments.

4. Answers to prayer.

5. Apple right off the tree.

Answers to Prayer

With August nearly over, I've been slack on recording answers to prayer, but so far this month, I have 18 prayers listed in my journal.  I've probably prayed a lot more but didn't record them.  For reasons, see above.

Not answered yet--10

No--3

Yes--4

Sort of yes--2

The sort of yes deserve an explanation. One involves a health issue that seems to be improving, but it isn't fully clear what the result will be.  The other one is number three in gratitude: healing seems to be happening, but it's a long way from being a full "yes" to the prayer.  So they are "sort of yes."  Certainly not "no" in any event.

July Prayer Results

I've been recording the results of my prayers for a few months now and as July ends, here is the month's tally.

Yes--8  They range from "minor" like being able to get a certain thing done on time to moderate. Nothing big or critical received a "yes." And they included getting an answer, even if it wasn't the one I wanted.  For instance, I prayed that I be shown clear direction on a project and the door slammed so hard I barely got my fingers out intact.  Now it was something I really wanted to do, so it was disappointing, but I have to be honest and admit the prayer was for direction...and I did get that.

No--7 Just straight up NO!!! Some big things, some smaller ones.
--
Still Waiting--9  Just what it is.  Things I've been praying for that I'm still waiting on. No indication of anything.

Mixed--2 These are odd ones. Not really sure how to classify them.  For instance, let's say you prayed (and this isn't my prayer, but an example) that the front tires on the car don't need to be replaced.  You take the car in and the front tires are fine, but the back ones need replacing. So how do you classify that answer? Yes? No? Gotcha?  I'm not sure, so I consider those "answers" as "mixed."

Sunday Gratitude, Prayers and There's Got to be More

I realized today that all I've done for the past three weeks, and I mean that almost literally is get up, shower, work, realize I'm starving, eat, work, go to bed, toss and turn about the work and/or lack of work, get up and repeat. I've been to the grocery twice, saw a friend for an hour once and made a few phone calls. Beyond that, it has been get up, shower, work, realize I'm starving, eat, work, go to bed, toss and turn about the work and/or lack of work, get up and repeat. 

 

This can't go on or I won't go on much longer.  I know I have to make ends wave at each other across the abyss, but something has got to change.  Not sure what, but that's my prayer this week.

June Prayer Report

Speaking of which, the final June prayer report is:

Yes 6

No 8

Not answered 10

The yeses had to do with fine points of restoring and healing the badly damaged relationship I talked about in the past, having more energy to get some of the house and yard work done, and finding a person to repair the gutters at a semi-reasonablfe rate.

The noes had to do with some personal issues, thorns in the flesh, that apparently are not to be removed.  I am persistent, however, and even if the prayers were "NO" in June, I'm moving them on to July.  I don't think God's mind will be changed, but perhaps something else will change that will allow the thorn to be pulled out.  By the way, did you know that the word for thorn also means "tent post" as in a big, honking thing sticking in your side?  I think my "thorns" are more tent-posty.

The Not Answered are things that I realize are longer term, but they eventually will have to be a "yes" or a "no" so I keep on prayer.

Sunday Gratitude

 

Finally, Sunday Gratitude.  It' been a long, hard week with waves of grief and its companions anxiety and insomnia, but I am grateful for:

1. For an unexpected phone call from my son during the week.

2. For having won a first place writing award when I didn't even know I had been nominated. (On faces of homelessness.)

3. For a great write up on Catholic Moms.

4.  For little tiny flashes of grace and hope that come when I meet a friend in the grocery (on one of my two trips these past weeks!), when I get a text right when I need it most, for a word of comfort.

5. For my cell phone.  I really like my cell phone.  I can give up a lot of things, but I would hang onto my cell for as long as possible.  Literally!!!

Answered Prayer

I've been keeping track of my prayers since May 1.  At least the major ones, not always the "help me find a parking spot" type of prayer, but the ones that come from a place of great need, fear, sorrow, anguish, hope or helplessness.

One of the things I'm learning is that answers to prayer often come rather quietly, almost unnoticed until after the fact.  So quietly that if I hadn't been recording them, I might not have noticed the answer.

For instance, one of my prayers earlier this month was that I would have the energy to get the house cleaned since it has been sorely neglected since mother's death.  It still is not in the shape I'd like, so my first inclination would be say that the prayer hasn't been answered. However, when I took time to examine the reality, I did get the carpet in the family room cleaned (not all of it, but the places where the cats had barfed etc.), the rest of the floor vacuumed, the French doors scrubbed, the screen vacuumed, several loads of junque in the car for St. Vincent's, the back porch picked up, a planter planted, dishes done, summer fans out and three loads of clothes folded.

Now is the house clean?  No.  It's not.  It woultdn't meet the standards of any neat-nik, since it doesn't even meet my very low standards.  But was the prayer answered?  Yes, I'd have to say that it was.  I asked for the energy and mental enthusiasm to clean house.  Not the entire house.  Just to be able to clean house and that prayer was answered.  It was rather a "daily bread" answer--enough energy to do one day; not the whole thing like I wanted, but one day's work. 

And the family room looks pretty good, all things considered.

So here's the June prayer accounting so far.  I have 16 things on my list, ranging from the energy to clean the house to the restoration of a broken relationship to some issues with insurance.

3 Yes.  One was that I get a clear sign telling me what direction I should go regarding an important decision.  I got the sign and the path is firmly shut.  Probably nailed and bricked up, too. I'm not really thrilled with the fact that it was a closed door, but the sign was clear and that was the prayer request.

3 NO! No question that they were NO!!! The NO couldn't have been more clear if it were written in neon.  The only thing I can say is, "okay, now what?"

1 Probably no.  It looks like a no, feels like a no, sounds like a no, acts like a no, but since it involves another person saying the "no," I'm waiting to see if their "no" is also God's no.  It may be, but there remains a tiny crack of possibility, so I'm putting it in the "maybe" category.

9 No Answer yet. These do eventually have to have a "yes" or a "no" so I'm waiting. Not patiently all the time, but waiting.

Prayer Update for May 2012

I kept track of my prayers for the month of May, for my own edification as much as anything. I've decided to continue through June, since several things are still "pending," but the official May results are:
11 Yes
4 No
9 Unclear or unanswered.

As I've said before, the "yes" tend to be small and urgent, the "unanswered" are much more major and involve other people and complicated situations. However, of the 8 "unanswered" that I've moved to June, 5 of them ultimately have to be either a "yes" or a "no" without doubt.  One, well, it could be one of those forever not entirely clear things.  As for the other two, if I am changed, it may be that they would become moot, so we shall see.

I'll keep you informed!

Prayer results

The month of keeping track of prayer is almost over, so I'm looking at the list and thinking that perhaps I will do this again next month, especially since several of the big things I've been praying about don't have any indication of an answer.

So far, I've had 24 things on the my list.

9 Yes. These have included things like meeting a deadline easily, a friend finding work, a tooth problem turning out not to be serious, as well as having relief from grief and anxiety for a few hours and even for one entire day.  They also included asking for a surprise and getting two very unpleasant ones in the same day.  Technically, that was a "yes" to the prayer but the answer sucked.  They also contain a partial "yes" to a problem.  The problem wasn't solved, but the financial aspect of solving it was put off for another month. So, nine prayers have had a clear "yes" as the response.

3 No.  Flat out, straight out "no."  Both had to do with healing, a prayer that I have been praying for a long time, but I had asked again, specially, and again the answer was clearly "no." No question. As strong a "no" as if a door had been slammed shut.

4 Unclear. These are things that I've been looking for an answer and there seems to have been some change in the situations, but I can't tell if the movement is toward a "yes" or a "no." These mostly have to do with relationships with other people where things have changed, but what the change means and how that might relate to my prayer just isn't clear yet. One of these is leaning so far to the "no" that it almost topples over, but since it isn't an absolute NO! yet, I'm keeping it on the unclear list.

8 Unanswered. Now granted these tend to be rather major things, along the lines of learning life's purpose and resolution of the theft that I mentioned yesterday, so I guess I have to be patient. But because so many of these "big" prayers show no sign at all of any answer, I think I'm going to transfer them to June and see what happens.

I find the results so far to be intriguing.  The "yeses" have been for things that haven't exactly been life-changing, but more "daily bread for life's journey." The "noes"--well, I don't know if my lack of faith that there could be a yes has played into it or not.  But statistically speaking, they are fewer than any other category. 

The unclear are a bit puzzling.  Both because they are unclear and because I don't quite know what to do with them: should keep praying, accept the unclarity as a form of "no" or just what?

Finally, the unanswered are just that...unanswered. No sign. No hint.  No clarity.  So the lesson here may be persistence in the prayer, until, at some point, there is a clear cut "yes" or "no" answer. I can say that if the answer to these is a "yes," all the glory and honor will have to go to God because these are not things that I can do anything about on my own.  I can't affect any movement, change or resolution in any of them, which is one reason I'm going to keep praying. Either way these go, their answer has to come from God.

When the month is over, I'll give the final update, but given that we are so close to the end, I'm not really expected a lot of change. Unless, of course, I add another prayer and get an answer before the 31st. Or unless God works a May miracle!