Monkey Heart or Feeling Irritated is a Good Thing

Jeff Brown, who wrote a most interesting book on SoulShaping talks today on Facebook about Monkey Heart:

Monkey Heart: The state of inner tumult and chaos that emanates from an unclear heart. Flooded and overwhelmed with unhealed and unresolved emotions, the monkey heart jumps from tree-top to tree-top, emoting without grounding, dancing in its confusion. Often misinterpreted as a monkey mind (which is often little more than a symptom of a monkey heart) the monkey heart is often reflected in the unsettled mind.

Today I find myself unfocused and unsettled, jumping around, not making progress and feeling decidedly unwell  on many levels. While I'm not entirely sure, I think it's because tomorrow will be three months since my mother died, coupled with the fact that today is Anzac Day and my visit to the battlefields of Gallipoli was one of the most wrenching days of my life.  Just rereading my journal entries and posting yesterday left me drained. I think my body is already remembering tomorrow's anniversary, with the result that I'm experiencing a sort of spiritual and mental vertigo.

So I'm not surprised that I have a Monkey Heart.

However, as I stand outside myself and observe, I also realize that I am irritated with the cats for breaking things, frustrated with the messes in the house, and generally feeling sort of prickly on the inside.  Normally that would be a bad thing, but for these past few months, the only things I've been feeling are fear and her first cousin, panic, along with their friend grief.  So these emotions, while not exactly positive, are higher on the emotional scale...which means to the scientist within that I am actually getting better.  Being irritated and impatient is just one step below feeling hopeful and optimistic.

So I'm going to embrace the Monkey Mind today, and be grateful that it has arrived.  It means that, on some level, healing is occuring.