Good Days and Bad Daze

I've read a lot of books about grieving these past few month and one thing they all say is that grief is not a straight line. You don't march steadfastly forward, making good progress each day until one day you reach the promised land of restored equilibrium.

No, grieving is more like dancing on the deck of a small boat in a rainstorm. Sometimes you are upright and feeling the sprinkles on your face; other times it's all you can do to keep your footing. Sometimes you are sure the storm is nearly over; other times all you can see is the looming darkness.

The other odd thing about grieving for me is that I don't always identify it as such. Certainly sometimes I can struck by the waves of sheer pain of missing my mother, but other times, I don't actually realize that what I'm feeling is probably grief. I think I'm feeling anxious, or tired, or depressed, or nervous, or worried, or lazy, or foggy, or distracted, or hungry, or lonely.  And yes, I am feeling all of those things, but when I stop to consider it, 9 times out of 10, the underlying emotion is grief, wearing a distracting hat.

Another thing that goes along with the many hats of grief is that I'm feeling impatient with myself.  I want to be done with this, have it be over, be back to some sense of "normal" again.  But dancing on the deck of a boat isn't predictable, even if I want it to be.

Mid-Summer

Why is the first day of summer called Mid-Summer? Shouldn't Mid-Summer be in the middle of summer?

Now that I have that out of the way....

I've been battling a variety of "demons" these past few days, from gutters falling off to needing to repaint to personal things.  But instead of mulling over all these things yet one more time, I'm going to reflect on the fact that I haven't had the energy, physical or mental, to plant my deck pots this year, what with griefwalking and all.  So to my surprise, I now have a pot full of forget-me-nots that spontaneously arrived, their seeds blown on the wind from who knows where.

Forget-me-nots are also known as Our Lady's Eyes, on the mistaken notion that she must have had skyblue eyes, which would have been noteworthy indeed, given her biological background.

Many flowers, besides the well-known rose and lily, are associated with Mary. This great list comes from  http://www.fisheaters.com/marygardens.html. It's a terrific resource for Mary Gardens and flowers associated with Mary and I encourage you to visit it here.

Common Name	Scientific Name	Medieval Name and/or Religious Meaning
Amaryllis	Amaryllis belladonna	Beautiful Lady
Amaryllis	Hippeastrum hybr.	St. Joseph's Lily
Anemone, double-flowered	Anemone coronaria	St. Brigid
Aster	Aster nova-belgii	Michaelmas Daisy (September)
Baby's Breath	Gypsophila panicul.	Lady's Veil
Bachelor's Buttons	Centauria cyannis	Mary's Crown
Bean caper plant	Zygophyllum dumosum	? Found on Shroud of Turin. See footnote for more information on the flowers of the Holy Shroud.
Begonia	Begonia fuchsioides	Heart of Jesus
Begonia	Begonia fuch. rosea	Heart of Mary
Bellflower	Adenophera	Lady Bell
Bird of Paradise	Streliztia reginae	Bird of Paradise
Black-Eyed Susan	Rudbeckia hirta	Golden Jerusalem
Bleeding Heart	Dicentra spectabilis	Mary's Heart
Blue Phlox	Phlox divaricata	Lady's Wedding
Bluets	Houstonia caerul.	Madonna's Eyes
Bougainvillea	Bougainvillea gen.	Trinitaria
Buttercup	Ranunculus acris	Lady's Locks
Buttercup	Ranunculus sp.	Our Lady's Bowl
Camelia	Camellia (japonica)	(Purity)
Calla Lily	Zantedeshia aethiop.	St. Joseph's Staff
Canna	Canna generalis	Rosary Beads
Canterbury Bells	Campanula medium	Our Lady's Nightcap, Mary Bells, Our Lady's Smock
Caper, Caper bushes	Capparis spinosa (var. aegyptia)	? Found on Shroud of Turin. See footnote for more information on the flowers of the Holy Shroud.
Carnation	Dianthus caryophyllus	Mary's Love of God. These flowers are said to have bloomed at Christ's Nativity, according to a German legend. (January)
Castilian roses (Damascus Roses or Damask Rose)	Rosa damascena	I am not sure of the medieval name for these native-to-Spain flowers, but these are the variety that St. Juan Diego found after the vision of Our Lady at Guadalupe.
Chrysanthemum (mum)	Chrysanthemum	All Saints' Flower. Chrysanthemums in general are associated with death and are used and funerals and to adorn graves (Chrysanthemum coronarium is believed by scientists to have been present when Christ was laid in the tomb. See footnotes). (November)
Clematis	Clematis virginiana	Virgin's Bower
Clematis	Clematis (flammula)	Cross
Columbine	Aquilegua vulgaris	Our Lady's Shoes, Lady's Slipper. Said to have sprung up under Our Lady's feet as she went to visit Elizabeth. The dove-shaped petals of this flower invited -- and invites -- its use for decoration on the Feast of the Pentecost.
Corn Marigold	Chrysanthemum segetum	Mary's Gold (November)
Cosmos	Cosmos sp.	St. Michael's Flower (September)
Costmary	Chrysanthemum bals.	Mary's Leaf
Cowslip	Primula veris	Lady's Keys
Crocus	Crocus vernus	Penitent's Rose
Cross Vine	Bignonia capreolata	Cross Vine
Crown Daisy	Chrysanthemum coronarium	? I don't know the medieval name for this flower, but "Crown Daisy" is appropriate: this flower shows up on the Shroud of Turin. See footnote for more information on the flowers of the Holy Shroud.
Daffodil	Narcissus pseudo-narc.	Mary's Star
Dahlia	Dahlia (hybrids)	Churchyard Flower
Day Lily	Hemerocallis flava	St. Joseph's Lily
Dieffenbachia	Dieffenbachia sao ant.	St. Anthony Dieffenbachia
Dog Rose	Rosa canina	Mary's Thorn
Dutchman's Breeches	Dicentra cucullaria	I don't know the medieval name for this interesting flower, but it has sentimental interest for me so I would love to discover it if anyone happens to know and cares to write.
Edelweiss	Leontopodium alp.	Purity
Easter Lily	Lilium longiflorum	Easter Lily
English Daisy	Bellis perennis	Mary-Love
English Holly	Ilex aquifolium	Burning Bush
Evening Primose	Oenothera biennia	Easter Candle
Fern	Asplenium ruta-mur.	Lady's Hair
Field Bindweed	Convolvulus arvensis	This lovely flowering plant -- closely related to, resembling, and sometimes called the same name as the Morning Glory -- is pervasive once planted and, so, is generally considered a weed. Its old common name according to the Grimm's short tale of the same name is "Our Lady's Little Glass." The story in its entirety: "Once upon a time a waggoner's cart which was heavily laden with wine had stuck so fast that in spite of all that he could do, he could not get it to move again. Then it chanced that Our Lady just happened to come by that way, and when she perceived the poor man's distress, she said to him, 'I am tired and thirsty, give me a glass of wine, and I will set thy cart free for thee.' 'Willingly,' answered the waggoner, 'but I have no glass in which I can give thee the wine.' Then Our Lady plucked a little white flower with red stripes, called field bindweed, which looks very like a glass, and gave it to the waggoner. He filled it with wine, and then Our Lady drank it, and in the self-same instant the cart was set free, and the waggoner could drive onwards. The little flower is still always called Our Lady's Little Glass."
Forget-me-not	Myostis scorpoides, Myostis sylvatica	Eyes of Mary
Forsythia	Forsythia suspensa	Easter Bush
Foxglove	Digitalis purpurea	Our Lady's Gloves
Fuchsia	Fuchsia speciosa	Christ's Blood Drops or Our Lady's Eardrops
Geranium	Pelargonium (dom)	Lady Beautiful
Geranium	Pelargonium sp.	Heart of Jesus, Gentle Virgin
German Iris	lris germanica	Mary's Sword of Sorrow
Gladiolus	Gladiolus sp.	Twelve Apostles, Ladder to Heaven
Golden Rod	Solidago canad.	Lady's Plant
Grape Hyacinth	Muscari (gen)	St. Joseph's Bells
Grape Hyacinth	Muscari botryoides	Church Steeples
Ground Ivy	Nepeta hederacea	Madonna's Herb
Hawthorn	Crataegus monogyna	Mary's Mayflower(May)
Hawthorn	Crataegus oxyacana	Mary's Berry (May). The Crataegus Oxyacantha praecox variety is the plant of England's "Glastonbury Thorn" -- a plant of Mediterranean origin but which, in Somerset, blooms twice: at Easter and at Christmas. It, therefore, has become a symbol of Christmas. The Glastonbury Thorn is said to have arisen when St. Joseph of Arimathea thrust his hawthorn staff into the ground in Somersetshire. The original plant was destroyed by Puritans (the soldier who did the chopping is said to have been struck in the eye by a large splinter from the tree), but shoots from it were taken, and England's Glastonbury Thorn lives. Since 1929, blossoms from the Glastonbury Thorn are sent to England's Monarchs for their table on Christmas Day.
Heather	Calluna vulgaris	Lady's Adversary
Holly (Christmas Holly)	Ilex opaca. var.	Christmas Holly (December)
Holly (English Holly)	Ilex aquifolium	Burning Bush
Hollyhock	Althea rosea	St. Joseph's Staff
Honeysuckle	Lonicera caprifol., Lonicera (japonica)	Lady's Fingers (June)
Honeysuckle	Lonicera xylosteum	Lady's Stick (June)
Hosta (Plantain Lily)	Hosta plantaginea	Assumption Lily
Hyacinth	Hyacinthus oriental.	Lily-Among-Thorns, Lily-of-Valley
Hydranga var.	Hydranga macro. mar.	Ave Maria
Impatiens	Impatiens Wallerana	Our Lady's Earrings, or Mother Love
Ivy	Hedera helix	Where God has Walked
Jasmine	Jasminum officinale	Mary
Job's Tears	Coix lachryma-jobi	Job's Tears (Job 16:20). The seeds of this plant are often used for Rosary beads.
Jonquil	Narcissus jonquilla (December)	St. Joseph's Staff
Judas Tree	Cercis siliquastrum	Said to be the tree upon which Judas hanged himself after betraying Our Lord. It is a beautiful tree, with lovely pink flowers in the Spring.
Larkspur	Delphinium ajacis, Delphinum (grandif.)	Mary's Tears (July)
Lavender	Lavendula (offic.)	Flight into Egypt
Lilac	Syringa vulgaris	Ascension Flower
Lily-of-the-Valley	Convallaria majalis	Our Lady's Tears. These flowers are said to have blossomed from Mary's tears for her Son as she stood at the foot of the Cross. (May)
Lungwort	Pulmonaria officinalis	Mary's Milkdrops, Our Lady's Milk Herb, The Virgin Mary's Tears
Madonna Lily	Lilium candidum	Annunciation Lily, Virgin Lily or Mary's Lily Note: The Venerable Bede (A.D. 672-735) described the white petals as symbols of Mary's body, and the golden anthers as symbols of the glory of her soul. Roses and lilies were said to have filled Mary's empty tomb when it was opened by the Apostles. While lilies' association with purity cause them to be depicted with many Saints, such as SS. Francis and Claire, they are most strongly associated with St. Joseph, whose rod is said, in the Gospel of the Nativity of Mary, to have blossomed to prove he was worthy to guard Mary and become her spouse; with St. Anthony of Padua, because lilies left in chuches on his Feast Day miraculously remained fresh during the French Revolution; and with the archangel Gabriel, who is depicted as presenting Mary with the lily at the Annunciation (hence the name "Annunciation Lily"). Lilies are also associated with Solomon's Temple (III Kings 7:19-22), and their beauty is commented on by Christ Himself (Luke 12:27).
Maltese Cross	Lychnis chalcedonica	"Maltese Cross" (or "Jerusalem Cross"). The shape of these flowers' petals strongly evokes the Maltese Cross, and they are said to have been introduced into Europe, from Russia and Siberia, by the crusading Knights of Malta.
Marigold	Calendula officin.	Mary's Gold (October)
Meadowsweet	Filipendula ulmar.	Our Lady's Belt
Millfoil	Achillea millefolia	Christ's Back, Our Lord's Back
Mistletoe	Viscum album	Cross
Moonflower	Calonyction acul.	Lady-of-Night
Morning Glory	Ipomoea purpurea	Our Lady's Mantle (September)
Nasturtium	Tropaeolum majus	St. Joseph's Flower
Orchid	Orchis purpurea	Lady Orchis
Orchid	Brassavola nodosa	Lady-of-Night
Orchid	Orchis maculata	Gethsemani
Oriental Poppy	Papaver orientale	Christ's Blood, Crucifixion Blood-Drops (August)
Ox-Eye Daisy	Chrysanthemum leucanthemum	Mary's Star. The legend told is that the Magi followed the star to Bethlehem but weren't sure where to go once there. King Melchior then saw the ox-eye daisy growing, which looked very much like the star they'd followed. He picked it, and the door to the stable opened revealing the Holy Family.
Pansy	Viola tricolor	Trinity Flower, Our Lady's Delight
Passion Flower	Passiflora	Passion Flower, whose 5 stamens symbolize the Five Wounds of Christ; the outer fringe, the crown of thorns; and stigmas, the nails. See more here.
Periwinkle	Vinca rosea	Virgin Flower
Petunia	Petunia hybr.	Lady's Praise
Peony	Paeonia officinalis	Pentecost Rose (does anyone know of any name or meaning associated with Paeonia lactiflora?)
Pink	Dianthus (gen)	Mary's Pink
Poet's Narcissus	Narcissus poeticus	Lady's Rose
Poinsettia	Euphorbia pulcherima	Nativity Flower, Christmas Star
Pot Marigold	Calendula officinalis	Mary's Gold
Primrose	Primula elatior	Mary's Candlestick (February)
Primrose	Primula vulgaris	Lady's Frills (February)
Quaking Grass	Briza	Lady's Tresses, Our Lady's Braids
Ranunculus, double-flowered	Ranunculus	I don't know the medieval name for this flower, but it's a gorgeous blossom.
Rose	Rosa	White: Mary's Purity Red: Mary's Sorrow and the Blood of Christ. Also martyrdom. Gold: Mary's Glory Red and White: Visitation Note: The Rose symbolizes Mary herself (she is known as "The Mystical Rose," see Litany of Loreto) and is described in Dante's Paradiso when the guide asks him to contemplate Mary, "Why are you so enamored of my face that you do not turn your gaze to the beautiful garden which blossoms under the radiance of Christ? There is the Rose in which the Divine word became flesh: here are the lilies whose perfume guides you in the right ways." Roses and lilies were said to have filled Mary's empty tomb when it was opened by the Apostles. Roses are also associated with SS. Dorothy and Thérèse of Lisieux (who both send roses from Heaven), Elizabeth of Hungary, and Rose of Lima. St. Francis once threw himself on the thorns of a rosebush as penance. Since then, the rosebushes in that garden (near the cloister of Santa Maria degli Angeli in Assisi) have no thorns. See also the entry for Castilian Roses. (June)
Rock Rose	Cistus (landanif.)	Rose of Sharon
Rock Rose	Cistus creticus	? Shows up on Shroud of Turin. See footnote for more information on the flowers of the Holy Shroud.
Rose of Jericho	Selaginella lepidophylla and Anastatica hierochuntica	This desert plant survives in a curled up, dormant, brown, dessicated state for years, and then opens up and turns green with a bit of water. After returning to a lovely green, it goes dormant again when its water source is removed. Because of this fascinating property, it is often kept dormant in the home and brought out at Christmas time to blossom and then close in order to symbolize the opening and closing of Mary's womb. The plant is also known as the Resurrection Plant, Siempre Viva ("Everlasting"), and Dinosaur Plant. Read more about this plant on the Rose of Jericho page off the Chrismastide Overview page.
Rose of Sharon	Hibiscus syriacus	Rose of Sharon
Scabiosa	Scabiosa columbaria	Mary's Pincushion
Scotch Thistle	Onopardon acanthium	Judas' Cloak
Sea Pink	Armeria maritima	Our Lady's Cushion. These flowers are said to have made a place for Mary to sit during the Flight into Egypt.
Shamrock	Trifolium dubium	a symbol of St. Patrick and his evangelization of Ireland, and of Ireland itself -- but St. Patrick used it as a symbol of the Trinity, with each leaf representing a Divine Person while the plant remains one plant.
Snapdragon	Antirrhinum majus	Infant Jesus' Shoes
Snowdrop	Galanthus nivalus	"Candlemas Bells" or "Purification Flowers." These flowers are said to have bloomed on Candlemas, when Mary took Jesus to the Temple for His "redemption." (January)
Spanish Moss	Mentha requienii	Mother-of-Thousands
Spiderwort	Tradescantia zebrina (Zebrina pendula)	Wandering Jew. The name for this plant -- often used as a houseplant -- derives from an old legend about a Jew who mocked and hit Christ during His Passion and so was condemned by Him to wander the earth until the Last Judgment. Two other species of this plant are also known by this name: Tradescantia fluminensis and Tradescantia pallida (Setcreasea purpurea, Purple Heart).
Star-of-Bethlehem	Ornithogalum umbellatum	symbol of the star that led the Magi to Christ
Stock	Mathiola incana	Our Lady's Violet
Strawberry	Frageria vesca	Fruitful Virgin
Summor Phlox	Phlox paniculata	Christ's-Cross Flower
Sunflower	Helianthus annus	Mary's Gold
Sweet Alyssum	Lobularia maritima	Blessed by Mary, Mary's Little Cross
Sweet Pea	Lathyrus odoratus	Our Lady's Flower (April)
Sweet Pea	Lathyrus pratensis	Mary's Foot (April)
Sweet William	Dianthus barbatus	Lady Tuft
Tournefort's gundelia	Gundelia tournefortii	? Found on Shroud of Turin. See footnote for more information on the flowers of the Holy Shroud.
Tuberose	Polianthes tuberosa	St. Joseph's Staff
Tulip	Tulipa gesneriana	Mary's Prayer
Violet	Viola odorata	Our Lady's Modesty (March)
Water Lily	Nymphaea alba	Lady-of-the-Lake (July)
Winter Rose (Snow Rose)	Helleborus niger	Christmas Rose, or Lent Rose. A German Christmas symbol.
Wisteria	Wisteria frutescen	Virgin's Bower
Wood Anemone	Anemone nemorosa	Candlemas Caps, Lady's Nightcap
Yellow Flag Iris	Iris pseudocorus	Fleur-de-lis of French royalty, Mary as Queen, the Immaculate Conception
Yucca	Yucca treculeana	St. John's Palm
Zinnia	Zinia elegans	The Virgin, Church Flower
Zinnia	Zinnia multiflora	Little Mary, The Virgin
Herbs
Parsley	Petrosolenium crisp.	Our Lady's Little Vine
Sage	Salvia officinalis	Mary's Shawl
Rosemary	Rosmarinus officin.	Mary's Nosegay
Thyme	Thymus vulgaris	The Virgin's Humility
Chives	Allium schoenopras.	Our Lady's Garleek
tarragon	Artemisia dracunculus	its botanical name means "Little Dragon" and evokes St. Martha's slaying of the dragon known as La Tarasque
Dill	Anethium graveolens	Devil-Away
Coriander	Coriandrum sativum	St. John's Head
Sweet Bay	Laurus nobilis	St. Bridget's Flower
Basil	Ocimum basilicum	Holy Communion Plant. Pots of basil are used to decorate homes and to give away as gifts on St. Anthony of Padua's Day.
Marjoram	Origanum vulgare	Mary's Bedstraw
Cumin	Cummin cyanum	Cross-Cummin
Fennel	Foenlculum vulgare	Our Lady's Fennel
Anise	Pimpinella anisum	Our Lady's Sprig, Lady's Tobacco
Spearmint	Mentha spicata	Mary's Mint
Chicory	Cichorlum intybus	Heavenly Way
Horehound	Marrubium vulgare	Mother-of-God's Tea, Mary's Nettle
Sassafras	Sassafras (albidum)	Virgin's Tree
Hyssop (Syrian Oregano)	Origanum syriacum	I am unable to find a medieval name for this plant, but include it because of its importance in the Passover, Psalms and Passion. The variety of hyssop properly called Hyssopos officinal., and known as St. Joseph's Plant in the Middle Ages, is not the variety spoken of in the Bible and at the Mass. The Biblical plant is Origanum maru.
Catnip	Nepeta cataria	Mary's Nettle
Feverfew	Chrysanthemum parth.	Mary's Flower
Feverfew	Parthenium hystero.	Santa Maria
Chamomile	Anthemus cotula	Maiden Weed
Chamomile	Matricaria chamom.	Lady's Flower
St. John's Wort	Hypericum perforatm	St. John's Wort, Fuga Daemon ("Devil's Flight"), John's Blood, Jesus' Blood Drops, Christ's Sweat, Mary's Glory
Spikenard (or "Nard")	Nardostachys grandiflora (or Nardostachys jatamansi)	The portion of the plant just above the roots has a patchouli-like scent which was used by Mary Magdalen in the ointment she used to annoint Christ.
Dandelion	Taraxicum officin	Mary's Bitter Sorrow
Valerian	Valeriana officin.	Lady's Needlework
Pennyroyal	Mentha pulegium	Lady's Flavoring

Prayer...answers...or not

As those of you who have followed for awhile know, I've been keeping track of my prayers for the past couple of months.  The results aren't conclusive, but in general, the "little prayers" for small things and the "daily bread" prayers for things that are, well, daily, have been "yes."  The "no's" have been clear and obvious, but the vast majority have been unanswered, at least as for now.

One other thing I've been observing is that as I've prayed about some of the things that are unanswered, I am sensing a shift in me, especially as it begins to appear that the answer will be "no." I am becoming more ready to accept the "no" that seems to be coming. 

Oh I still hold out hope for a "yes," but part of me is letting go a bit, and saying, "I will survive even if the answer is 'no.'" 

Now I'm not quite sure what to do with that kind of answer.  It would be a "no" to the original prayer, but oddly there is a kind of "yes" in it as well.  A "yes" to accepting God's will...or perhaps simply the free will of others. 

The other thing I'm learning is that if I want to experience a "yes" to a prayer, it's best to pray for the small and the daily, not the big and the lengthy.  When I ask for the ability to get through just this crisis du moment, I generally get it. (Not always. On a few occasions the crisis du moment became the crisis du jour et nuit and the next jour, too.)

And finally, sometimes the answer to prayer isn't at all what we expect.  Today I have been struggling with grief, with fear, with worry, with lonliness and a few other negatives as well. I expected to bury myself in work, but instead a friend came by on his bike and talked for awhile about his upcoming trip to France.  I didn't know that's what I needed, but I guess it was.  Even though the work didn't quite get done!

Walls Against Worry

I don't remember being very worried about things like how to pay the rent or buy food when I was a young woman, say in my 20s.  I've always been a worrier, so there were things I worried about, but the basic necessities of life weren't among them. Apparently I just always assumed they would be taken care of...somehow.

Now that I'm older, however, I find that I worry a lot less about things like nuclear war and a lot more about the cost of utilities.  I'm not sure if that's because my world has grown smaller and now the price of a loaf of bread is about all I can focus on or if there simply is a higher state of worry and tension about everyday life now in the world in general.

Or, and this is a third possibility, it may be that having lost my mother, who had been the foundation of my life for my entire life, now everything feels precarious and tenuous. I feel the fragility of life more keenly now and the awareness of the passage of my own days presses close much of the time.

I wonder if I feel this more since I had my mother a longer time than many people; she was 92 when she died. Would I still feel this way if she had died when I was in my 20s or 30s? I don't know. Right now all I know is that I have to put up walls against worry and even when the walls are in place, I have to examine them daily for chinks.

And now, on an entirely different topic, after years of editing in AP and CMS, I'm now learning APA style. Old dog, new trick

Answered Prayer

I've been keeping track of my prayers since May 1.  At least the major ones, not always the "help me find a parking spot" type of prayer, but the ones that come from a place of great need, fear, sorrow, anguish, hope or helplessness.

One of the things I'm learning is that answers to prayer often come rather quietly, almost unnoticed until after the fact.  So quietly that if I hadn't been recording them, I might not have noticed the answer.

For instance, one of my prayers earlier this month was that I would have the energy to get the house cleaned since it has been sorely neglected since mother's death.  It still is not in the shape I'd like, so my first inclination would be say that the prayer hasn't been answered. However, when I took time to examine the reality, I did get the carpet in the family room cleaned (not all of it, but the places where the cats had barfed etc.), the rest of the floor vacuumed, the French doors scrubbed, the screen vacuumed, several loads of junque in the car for St. Vincent's, the back porch picked up, a planter planted, dishes done, summer fans out and three loads of clothes folded.

Now is the house clean?  No.  It's not.  It woultdn't meet the standards of any neat-nik, since it doesn't even meet my very low standards.  But was the prayer answered?  Yes, I'd have to say that it was.  I asked for the energy and mental enthusiasm to clean house.  Not the entire house.  Just to be able to clean house and that prayer was answered.  It was rather a "daily bread" answer--enough energy to do one day; not the whole thing like I wanted, but one day's work. 

And the family room looks pretty good, all things considered.

So here's the June prayer accounting so far.  I have 16 things on my list, ranging from the energy to clean the house to the restoration of a broken relationship to some issues with insurance.

3 Yes.  One was that I get a clear sign telling me what direction I should go regarding an important decision.  I got the sign and the path is firmly shut.  Probably nailed and bricked up, too. I'm not really thrilled with the fact that it was a closed door, but the sign was clear and that was the prayer request.

3 NO! No question that they were NO!!! The NO couldn't have been more clear if it were written in neon.  The only thing I can say is, "okay, now what?"

1 Probably no.  It looks like a no, feels like a no, sounds like a no, acts like a no, but since it involves another person saying the "no," I'm waiting to see if their "no" is also God's no.  It may be, but there remains a tiny crack of possibility, so I'm putting it in the "maybe" category.

9 No Answer yet. These do eventually have to have a "yes" or a "no" so I'm waiting. Not patiently all the time, but waiting.